Networking Mastery
Overview
​​This guide breaks down the art of quickly building relationships.​
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Planning
Identify 50 people you want to meet who align with your ideal lifestyle.
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Identify the top 10 places these people congregate (restaurants, lounges, gyms, coffee shops, etc.).
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Identify 10 important events to attend for networking and socializing.
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Mindset
Always Be Closing (ABC): Take advantage of every social opportunity by engaging with interesting people throughout the day.
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Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): think about the potential opportunities lost with every person you don't approach.
Mere Exposure: the more people see you, the more comfortable they'll be when you first make contact.
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Opt for shorter, more frequent interactions rather than longer, less frequent ones for exponential growth.
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Avoid overstaying your welcome - leave conversations on a high note.
Establish a routine by going to the same spots weekly.
The Networking Mastery Framework
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Step 1: Pre-Open
Pre-opens are brief interactions that involve asking simple questions and some small talk.
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Aim for 20-40 pre-opens per day, each interaction between 10-60 seconds.
After each pre-open, walk away and talk to someone else. You will re-approach later.
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Don't worry too much about the quality of the opener - later on, most people won't remember what you said anyway.
Direct Opener
"Hey, I just wanted to come say hi. What’s your name?"
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“Hey, I feel like I’ve seen you here before. What’s your name?”
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“Hey, I’m pretty sure we both know [name]. What’s your name?”
Observational Opener
“This place has such a cool vibe. Have you been here before?”
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“The coffee here always smells so good. What are you drinking?”
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"Your dog looks so energetic. Is it a husky?"
Compliment
“Did you make this art? It’s incredible!”
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“That’s a nice jacket you’re wearing. Where did you get it?”
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"I love your watch, it’s classy. What’s the story behind it?"
Introduction
“Are these your friends? Introduce us!”
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“Hey, come meet my friend!”
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“Have you guys met each other yet?”
Opinion
“Hey, can I get your opinion on something?"
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“I’m choosing between these two restaurants—which would you pick?”
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“I’ve heard mixed reviews about this place—what’s your experience been?”
Functional Opener
“Do you know where the closest grocery store is?”
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“Do you know what time this place closes?”
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“Can you help me figure out how this works?
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Step 2: Re-Approach
Locate the people you pre-opened and re-approach them - this time with the intention of having a full conversation.
Because you pre-opened as many people as possible, you’re more likely to look like someone who everyone knows, giving you an intriguing aura when you re-approach.
The gap between the pre-open and re-approach allows time for people to process the first interaction as a positive one. When you re-approach, the other person is more likely to feel like they've known you for a while because of how you last made them feel: comfortable.
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This allows for smoother conversation in which you'll be treated more like an old friend and less like a stranger.
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At scale, this opens the possibility to build massive social networks in short periods of time.
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Step 3: Vibe
Conversation Mindset
Say whatever comes to mind. Don't micromanage your thoughts. Let the conversation steer itself.
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Talk about anything with enthusiasm and it can become an interesting conversation.
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If you run out of things to say, return to a conversation thread already discussed or start a new one.
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Get people to expand on their thoughts by:
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Mirroring some of their words in your responses
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Asking them some variation of “what do you mean by that?”
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Logistical Questions
To get a conversation rolling, logistical questions are universally applicable:
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"Where are you from / are you from _____?"
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"Who are you here with?"
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"What are you doing after this?"
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"What are you doing tomorrow?"
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"Where are you staying/what part of town are you in?"
Every logistical question should lead to more discussion and follow-up questions before the next one is needed.​​
Commonalities
Aggressively build and stack commonalities to create strong connections in short periods of time.
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When first meeting people, it’s better to seek commonalities over a wide range of topics rather than diving deep into a few.
Express genuine surprise and excitement when finding commonalities:
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“I used to work at La Bella Vita”
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“No way! That’s crazy, I have a friend who eats there all the time”
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​“The last show I finished was Game of Thrones.”
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“I love Game of Thrones! Did you read the books too?”
Banter
Playfully push back on things said in the conversation to make it more engaging.
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Tease: “Your favorite team is the Jaguars? It’s a shame you’ll never know what a Super Bowl feels like.”
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Challenge: “You like spicy food? This is my favorite hot sauce, but I doubt you could handle it.”
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Disqualify: “You’re a morning person? We absolutely cannot be friends.”
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Disagree: “You don’t think Interstellar is a great movie? That’s an insane opinion.”
The Golden Networking Question
“Do you know anyone who…”
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“...can help me with [task]?”
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“...wants to do [activity]?”
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“…lives in [location]?”
With this, you’re asking two questions in one. You're asking if they know someone who fits the criteria, while also indirectly asking if they could be this person too.​
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Step 4: Seeding
Seeding is suggesting activities you and other people could do together.
It can be used to bond over commonalities and spark curiosity.
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Most seeds will be hypothetical and not put into future plans.
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Keep planting seeds until you find one strong enough to put into future plans.
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Seeding Framework:
Find a strong, actionable commonality.
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Ask when they last did the activity or when they'll do it again.
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Invite them to do it next time with you (even if it's hypothetical).
Seeding Examples
“When’s the last time you saw the Phillies play? We should totally go to a game sometime.”
“You’ve never tried the cannolis from the bakery? I’ll have to take you to get some.”
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Step 5: Make Plans
You can plan meetups around the seed the other person is most excited about to minimize flaking.
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You can also make plans around seeds that have a naturally low flake rate (like food at a popular restaurant).
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Choose the specific day, time, location, and other details of the meetup.
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Make plans less than a week away, local, and ideally somewhere you have pre-existing connections.
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Don't leave the interaction without having the next thing set up.
Ask for their preferred method of communication:
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“What’s the best way to keep in touch?”
Have them message you first so you have a message to respond to later:
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“Shoot me a text now so I have your number.”
You could respond with something like:
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“Hey [name] - thanks for everything today. Here’s the link to what I mentioned earlier.”
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“Hey [name], great to connect last night. Are you active on Instagram?”
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Step 6: Reconnect
Host events to pool your new connections into shared activities rather than relying on individual meetups only. This not only saves you time, but also helps grow your social circle exponentially fast.
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Host small events at least once a week and larger events at least once a month.
Food & Drinks: restaurants, lounges, bars, Sunday brunch, Taco Tuesday, sushi night, potluck, or homemade dinner at someone’s home
Activities: house party, birthday party, date party, boat party, social/mixer, theme party, holiday party, sports, competition, gym, yoga, comedy show, fashion show, charity & volunteer work, photoshoot, hiking, or movie night
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The Day of the Event
Arrive early and connect with organizers or staff.
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Greet people as they arrive and introduce them to each other.
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Introducing people to each other makes the value of the connection they make rub off on you.
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After the Event
Review what went well and what could be improved.
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Make an action plan for what you will do to improve your next event.